Tablet Haikus

Motorola XOOM
Many specs but not ready
Prematurely born 

Google's Honeycomb
Forget smartphones, rush forward!
Left out the QA

RIM Playbook puzzling
No email or calendar
Yet they've announced four

HP TouchPad odd
webOS less impressive
While the Veer's tanking

Samsung got a deal
On numerous screen sizes
Plans to ship them all

Toshiba tablet 
Includes what iPad didn't  
Never tried before

Dell tablet delayed
Not that they likely had one
Still on drawing board

Sony is "cautious"
Which is really code words for
Caught with our pants down

Asus plans something
Like a PC but flatter
90s are preserved

All these tablets have
The "full web" with Adobe
Not yet, "coming soon"

Apple in command
No competition in sight
Laughing to the bank

Does the iPad Have Competitors? No. Alternatives? No. iPadversaries? Um, ok.

I cheerfully admit that I’ve defined the term “iPadversary” loosely.

I've written about how tech pundits are itching for the iPad to have competition even as they must acknowledge it does not. Articles on the subject have taken to calling them "alternatives" instead of competitors. Now Technologizer's Harry McCracken has gone further, calling them adversaries in a clever take on the name.

I kind of like it.

This isn't a critique of McCracken's piece. Indeed, I appreciate his admission that there's really no rhyme or reason for items included in his list. If we applied some rationality, there's a number of reasonable criteria we could use to toss many of these out:

  • Already on sale before the iPad? Then they've got to go, since obviously no one knew, or cared, or bought.
  • Pure vapor? I don't mean "just" vapor, as most of these are, but there are some with so few details it's beyond the realm of reasonable thinking to include them on anything but a fun adversaries list.
  • Android OS too old? C'mon, is it really anyone's contention that Android 1.5 or 1.6 is a viable competitor to even iOS 3.2, let alone the 4.x coming to the iPad in a month or so, especially long-term?
  • And, if you really wanted to be serious, all the vapor devices would go, so 25 items drop off the list. 

It seems clear McCracken is just having some fun with all the possibilities, while also providing a nice summary (as much as possible) about these devices. There are 32 of them, and one wonders how many will ever get to the mainstream market. 

What's interesting is that if the iPad had even one real competitor—a device where one could make a reasonable case that a meaningful number of consumers would seriously compare the two and pick one over the other as a tablet—then none of this expanded definition of the playing field would be possible. (And the first commentor to point at some 1" thick, 3 pound netbook with the keyboard snapped off as a "real competitor" has lost the concept of the iPad entirely.)

Lacking a legitimate competitor, everyone's free to point out as contenders a number of devices in wildly varying form factors, even though we know the criteria being used is faulty at best. It makes for a fun write up, even fun reading, but can't be taken seriously.

Bottom line is that yet another article of this type serves to prove the only non-vapor and actual fact that we know: there is no iPad competitor right now.