Our software is the world’s finest at doing what it does.
We’d elaborate on this a bit if we knew just what that was.
It’s got some real cool graphics, will wonders never cease?
As for the vital features you need, they’re in the next release.
This software is very secure, even running as a beta.
And if we’re wrong we gotta ask: Did you really need your data?
That behavior’s not a feature; it’s more of an elective.
So later when it doesn’t work you can’t say it’s defective.
Our support staff works all day to cut out bugs like a cancer.
Unless you call or email us; those we never answer.
Our developers are razor sharp and talented, not losers.
Too bad they don’t consider software something for end users.
Our QA staff is dedicated, they test everything twice.
If they’d ever test new code we add their results would even be nice.
Our account managers are tops and know exactly what to do.
Ignore your constant whining, then go out and toss back a few.
Our product managers are dreaming up new versions constantly.
Without them who the heck would spend your annual maintenance fee?
Our manual’s well-written; it’s clear and easy to follow.
I’d praise it even more but what I’ve already said I can’t swallow.
If training’s what you need you’ll find our course prices are low.
And when the class concludes then you won’t know what we don’t know.
Our salespeople are specialists at closing every deal.
If clients believe the pitch they give that’s their tough luck, we feel.
Our lawyers work to ensure the company has no errant exposure.
So if we differ on contract terms our legal stance is “bend over.”
Our marketing group works very hard. There is no finer PR.
In fact, it’s all so nicely done even we don’t know who we are.
Our management team’s experienced; at business they’re no novice.
So don’t concern yourselves at all with their pictures at the Post Office.
Our cash position’s excellent. Our balance sheet is sound.
Investments in Enron and WorldCom stock we’re sure will soon rebound.
Our software’s always improving, of that you need not fear.
Versions 2.Little and 2.Late are both due out next year.
You can bet we’ll put forth effort to ensure your happiness.
But whether we can pull that off is anybody’s guess.
Yes our software’s a disaster. That much is obvious.
But you’re the ones who bought it so you’re even dumber than us!