Apple Releases Release Notes Restrictor 1.1

CUPERTINO, California—January 31, 2008—Apple® today released Release Notes Restrictor ® 1.1, a worthy upgrade to its powerful note-restriction software. Release Notes Restrictor 1.1 adds support for even shorter sentences, fewer nouns, more ambiguity, and in some cases does away with verbs completely.

“We are always looking for ways to make the size of software updates more manageable,” said Rob Schoeben, Apple’s vice president of Applications Product Marketing. “With the introduction of Release Notes Restrictor 1.1, Apple makes it easy for anyone to join the rapidly growing community of software vendors who just don’t like to tell their customers what’s in their software updates.”

“This amazing new application makes it simple to dash out Release Notes with a minimum of effort, to say nothing of information,” said Steve Jobs, Apple’s CEO. “With the Amazon Kindle proving that people don’t read any more, why bother?”

In the product demo, Jobs showed a typical, lengthy Release Note:

About iWeb 2.0.3
This update addresses compatibility with Mac OS X.

Running it through Release Notes Restrictor 1.1 resulted in this:

iWeb 2.0.3
Addresses Mac OS X.

“Boom!,” Jobs beamed, “We’ve slashed the number of characters by more than half. It’s our smallest Release Notes ever, yet still conveys the same information as the old Notes.”

The new Open Restrictor architecture in Release Notes Restrictor 1.1 allows users to tailor the software to their needs. Normal restriction was used in the formal demos, but for companies wanting the smallest possible Notes an Extreme plug-in is available.

The above Release Note when run through the Extreme engine resulted in this:

ib ..3
M X

“We have some optimization to do there,” said Schoeben, “our engineers are on it and we’ll correct it with an update — not that you’ll know it from the Release Notes.”

Apple says this is one of a series of Restrictor products planned for Restrictor Studio ®, to include Support Restrictor ®, Documentation Restrictor ®, and Code Restrictor ®. Code Restrictor uses patent-pending technology to turn 0’s into 1’s, making them thinner. “We have the world’s thinnest laptop computer,” Jobs explained, “and we want the world’s thinnest code running on it.”

Pricing & Availability
Previously only for use internally, Release Notes Restrictor 1.1 is now available for a suggested retail price of $111 (US) through the Apple Store® (www.apple.com), Apple’s retail stores and Apple Authorized Resellers.

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2 thoughts on “Apple Releases Release Notes Restrictor 1.1

  1. “All too true! It makes you wonder what really is going on with some of these updates, doesn’t it? Well, an amusing piece if nothing else.”

    [Crunch. Grind, grind. Crunch. Beep]

    “Ha!”

  2. Great piece. Very original and funny, especially the part about 0s to 1s. Is that real, “Addresses Mac OS X” as the entire release notes?

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