Today, Mudbutt, OK-based TinyTech sued Apple for pretty much everything. The lawsuit alleges Apple infringes on “some of our stuff” and calls for compensatory damages of “a bajillion” dollars.
In their press release today, TinyTech stated that they had to take legal action. “We were sitting around brain-storming our next great idea (OK, our first great idea), and then it hit us,” said Bjorn Loser, TinyTech’s President and CEO, “all these people suing Apple, and we’re not getting a piece of it.”
After digging through both their patents, it seems they were sufficiently generic that they may possibly be construed to apply to something Apple is doing. Or had done. Or is going to do. Or is thinking about.
Loser knew that it was time to act. “After getting no cooperation from the Apple switchboard, even after calling a second time, we had no choice but to file suit in Nowhere, Texas, a town that has apparently built a bustling economy around this sort of thing.”
TinyTech stresses that it wants a settlement, and not a drawn-out court case. “We just want Apple to honor the IP we have sweat over for months. It’s shameful that Apple is taking such a hostile approach to us when we have, you know, patents.”
Loser downplayed suggestions that they may just be after Apple due to their popularity, especially since they’re not suing other technology companies.
“Nonsense”, Loser fumed, “Sure, we could sue Microsoft, but that’s old-school. Today’s high tech companies wouldn’t dream of it.” Loser continued, “In order to sue you have to claim it was your idea being stolen. What does Microsoft have you’d make that claim for? I mean, even if Vista was your idea, and you could prove it, would you admit it now? Ewww.”
No court date has been set, but TinyTech’s lawyers hope it will coincide with Nowhere’s annual BBQ festival.