Microsoft: Our Smartphones Have Already Accomplished Something in the Future.

The letter Microsoft’s Andy Lees sent to their hardware, carrier, and software partners is comical on many levels, not the least of which is that why would you want to emphasize the fact that you’ve got nothing to say?

It really is kind of a stupid letter, but it follows the classic Microsoft argument (indeed, the only one they’ve ever had): When you got nothin’, toss around big numbers.

But in this case, the number doesn’t yet exist, which makes it all the more funny. Lees states:

It’s now my honor and privilege to announce a milestone that our partnership has accomplished. This fiscal year we will sell nearly 20 million Windows Mobile smartphone licenses

The second sentence cannot logically follow from the first. Microsoft has accomplished a milestone that will take place in the current fiscal year? How silly can you get? At the very least, Mr. Lees, say you’re on a pace to sell that many, or predict you will, or are on track to, etc. But don’t pronounce a milestone as “accomplished” (past tense) by stating it “will” (future tense) happen, ‘K? The letter is already silly enough, don’t make it worse.

Oops, he made it worse:

You’ve [Handset Makers] delivered Windows Mobile phones with features like GPS, 3+ megapixel cameras, and voice activation — features that other operating systems have been slow to deliver.

Operating systems can deliver those features? Really? Now that’s some serious coding, and a level of expertise for which I would not have given Microsoft credit. How cool is it that an upgrade to your OS can add, say, GPS  to your GPS-less phone. Wow. Those guys in Redmond must be really good.

The whole letter is nothing but an attempt at attention right before the iPhone 2.0 announcement. But why draw attention to yourself if you have nothing substantial to report?

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4 thoughts on “Microsoft: Our Smartphones Have Already Accomplished Something in the Future.

  1. Too hilarious! This about amounts to, “This Emperor has SO got some clothes!” No. Sorry. He doesn’t. And more and more people are realizing it. Microsoftee Mr. Lee’s letter is not going to convince people any different. Sheesh! 🙂

  2. I wonder when their fiscal year ends, and how many they’ve sold now.

    Didn’t Ballmer say he was on track to sell a million Zunes, and then they languished in warehouses until he finally blew them out a year later at $79 each?

    On the other hand, I know Apple sold about 4 million iPhones in the first quarter of availability and 1.7 million in the second one. I think that means everyone who wants one has one, and the only advances will come with lower prices or 3G/GPS/etc. So we’ll just have to see what Steve pulls out of his hat.

    I expect more than the rumors since he’s been keeping pretty tight security and that usually means big changes … also they are confident in making their 10 million goal for 2008.

    A cheaper iPhone would be a huge threat to Windows Mobile. Even in the Windows Mobile magazine I picked up, for all its exclamation marks and forced enthusiasm about the new stuff, it seemed the platform is known more for crashes than anything else.

    D

  3. quote:
    “How cool is it that an upgrade to your OS can add, say, GPS to your GPS-less phone. Wow. Those guys in Redmond must be really good. ”

    iPhone has done that –in a GPS-chip-less way– thru Google Maps and cell tower triangularization.

    I know this is not the same, but your point is clear: this letter is stupid!

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