The REO Speedwagon Song RIM Should Have Used For Developers

Roll With The Changes

As soon as you are able, devs, to begin winnin’
You make that break that you have been denying
It’s getting hard to have faith in the tales we’re spinnin’
And we can tell that you’re no longer buying

So if you’re tired of the same Blackberry, oh, swipe some pages
We’ll stay here while you move on, and roll with the changes

We didn’t see it coming, saw no tables turnin’
Thought iPhones were just a pain in the ass
We couldn’t understand it, and didn’t end up learnin’
Users can really type on a piece of glass

So if you’re tired of the same Blackberry, oh, swipe some pages
We’ll stay here while you move on, and roll with the changes

It seems our time is over, we don’t have much comin’
And you need to make money now, we guess
Our brains are really straining, but yeah, we got nothin’
We understand your flight to iOS

So if you’re tired of the same Blackberry, oh, swipe some pages
We’ll stay here while you move on, and roll with the changes

Keep on rolling, keep on rolling, keep on rolling…

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Haikus Written During Today’s WWDC Keynote

With much excitement
Today Apple announces
Samsung’s next products.

Dear iPad 1 folk:
No iOS 6 for you.
Best Regards, Apple.

Developers meet.
Let’s stop all this software talk,
Get to the hardware.

Play long video,
Announce whatever they want
After crowd’s asleep.

Apple’s MacBook Pros:
Can competitors keep up?
Dell just peed their pants.

Biggest question now
With Retina display MacBooks:
Will Porn sites upgrade?

iOS upgrades
Get to user base quickly.
Android’s never do.

Samsung design team
Brainstorming, they ask Siri
What do we do next?

iOS 6 adds
Ugly faces everywhere.
FaceTime cellular.

Maps’ navigation:
Users love, competitors
Won’t know where to turn.

Rumor Has It (For Tech Rumor Sites, and With Apologies to Adele)

It, it isn’t real,
And even if it was it’s no big deal.
It is a fiction,
You’ve never got it right before what’s with your affliction?
Yeah, it’s got it all
Directly from the marketing cabal.

Get a grip, you know you’re giving us fits.
You don’t care if you’re a fool, we know it’s all for page hits.
You published the trash even though you’re in the dark,
And then cover your ass by using a question mark.

Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,

You, have half a brain,
But I’m guessing it’s the other half you strain.
I know you’ve an empty cup
So you’re telling people things you just made up.
But when you creep about and facts ain’t around,
Why must you resort to rumors?

Knock it off, you look more dumb every day.
Most of this stuff makes no sense, you should just send it away.
There’s no escaping from your publishing crimes,
But that’s what you get for listening to Digitimes.

Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,

All of these words keeping your ear full,
Tell stories of a device impossible.
Just ’cause they said it, don’t mean they’ve got credit.
People say crazy things.
Just ’cause they said it, don’t mean they’ve got credit.
Just ’cause you heard it…

Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,
Rumor has it, rumor,

But rumor has it Apple TV comes out this year.

Blowin’ in the Fan (with apologies to Bob Dylan)

How many tablet PCs must be built
Before people get that they’re wrong?
How many demos must Microsoft give
Propped up by their own dance and song?
And after a decade of failure in this
Do they know that we won’t tag along?
The answer my friend is blowin’ in the fan
The answer is blowin’ in the fan.

How many years can an OS exist
Before its best days have gone by?
How many new paradigms can be shown
That much better methods apply?
And how many times to the well will they go
Before seeing it’s finally run dry?
The answer my friend is blowin’ in the fan
The answer is blowin’ in the fan.

How many vendors were pulled on a chain
Building tablets unfriendly to hands?
How many failures and misguided tries
Were continued according to plans?
And when will they get the futility of
Shoehorning PCs into cans?
The answer my friend is blowin’ in the fan
The answer is blowin’ in the fan.

(Inspired by this tidbit about a prototype Windows 8 tablet.)

Microsoft Mobile Still Can’t Fit Text To Screen

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Some interesting detail from Engadget on early WP7 units. I see Microsoft’s still lopping off the “e”. You’d think after a year this would be fixed by now.

Now don’t get all bent out of shape. Honesty, it seems too early to judge WP7 because it’s not ready for prime time—opinions are all over the map. I just thought I’d point this Zune-ism out for some fun.